Start September Strong
To mark the start of a new academic year, Adam D’Souza and Lulu Luckock discuss how to align parents, teachers and children for academic success and happiness.
Happy new year! Working in education, September always feels like a fresh start, much more so than January. In our recent webinar, emotional wellbeing expert Lulu Luckock and I explored how to create effective alignment between parents, teachers and children. In short, how to start September strong – starting as you mean to continue.
The foundation of all of this is emotional regulation, as this is what enables children to focus, to do their best academic work, and to be happy.
A crucial tool for parents to achieve this is having clear, consistent routines for your child. Routines reduce the cognitive load of having to make too many decisions, especially at the end of a busy day for children and parents. As grown-ups, many of us have a fixed place for our keys and wallet for just the same reason – it means we don’t have to think about where to find them tomorrow, leaving more thinking space for stuff that really matters. Codified routines turn wishful thinking into action.
Little ones look to parents to ‘set the weather’
Like baby birds in the nest, young children rely on you to set routines and create an emotionally safe structure for their world.
Young children starting out in school, at ages 5-9, often look to you for cues on how to behave. If you model, they will follow. This is particularly evident in their emotional responses to situations. You may have noticed that if your son or daughter runs into a table leg, or falls over, they instinctively look to you for cues on how to react. If you make the event seem dramatic and rush in to help, the tears start to flow. If you breezily pick them up again, quite often they zoom off and think nothing of it.
Therefore, it's crucial to establish clear routines for after-school activities for little ones. These routines give space for your child to be emotionally well-regulated by providing a sense of predictability and safety. A clear, consistent routine helps your child decompress after a busy day at school. Additionally, ensuring clarity around homework and any extra-curricular activities can help your child feel more organised and prepared. It is important not to overload your child’s schedule with activities; there needs to be space to do nothing; to play or just to be bored and dive off into a world of imagination.
Making reading a nightly ritual can have a significant impact on your child's development and wellbeing. Reading aloud together is just about the single most effective thing a parent can do to help children improve their academic performance. Also, more importantly, this is a screen-free bonding experience between you and your child.
Pre-teens: guardrails to help your child through challenging transitions
I used to think the term ‘pre-teen’ was a bit naff. However, I have changed my mind because it captures quite usefully the not quite teenagers yet, not quite little kids any more state of children aged 9-13. On the one hand, they are eager to be independent and cut the apron strings. On the other hand, they are still very young and need guidance. In the 21st century, with ubiquitous technology, children seem to grow up faster than before: most pre-teens seem much more mature than they actually are.
Pre-teens need a safe space where they can learn to flap their wings without doing any damage you can't undo. Practising being independent is crucial for future success.
The theme for children this age should be guardrails. Pre-teens need some space to try and fail independently. However, it is crucial to ensure there are boundaries around this. By establishing clear expectations and providing opportunities for independent decision making and problem solving you help your pre-teen develop essential life skills. This might involve setting specific goals, providing resources, and allowing them to take ownership of some tasks.
Even as pre-teens strive for more autonomy, strong routines at home remain essential. Consistent routines for less enjoyable tasks, such as homework, music practice, tutoring and reading, can help children develop good study habits and manage their time effectively. When I worked in brand strategy, in the corporate world, we had a saying: “Systems eat willpower for lunch”. We all like to make promises… How many times have you heard the one about the child that begs their parents for a dog and the promise they will definitely, 100%, no doubt about it walk the dog every day?
Given the pervasive influence of technology in our lives, a major priority has to be robustly policing your pre-teen’s device usage.
While children this age might often moan about these ‘childish’ routines, warm boundaries create psychological safety and enable an emotionally regulated life.
Teenagers still need you. Co-creating systems that set them up for success
Teenagers need your help to build the systems that enable them to be independent, fulfilled and emotionally-regulated young adults.
For older teenagers, working together to build personalised systems can help your son or daughter develop independence and take ownership of their learning. This might involve creating a study schedule that works around commutes to school and aligns with their individual learning preferences, setting goals for academic improvement or practising time management strategies. Even sixth form students need their parents to guide them.
With packed study and social schedules, you probably see much less of your son or daughter at this age: in order to keep the peace, as parents it is probably best to choose your battles and hold the line firmly on a couple of key values. Teenagers love to test boundaries, because that is human nature.
In our experience, where teenagers still need their parents’ help is on maintaining a healthy work/life balance. Managing a hormone-driven sleep pattern, ensuring they eat nutritious meals and engaging in regular exercise, especially if not hugely sporty.
Watch the webinar to learn more
How to build healthy routines and systems at home around school work – how to pursue scholarship without misery
Tips for home/school alignment for different age children and teens
Insights on children’s emotional wellbeing at different life stages, balancing work and rest (including the role of screens)